Self-Harm, God, Faith and Religion
Some people harm themselves physically or emotionally or socially on purpose.
You don't need to hurt yourself physically to self-harm. Here are some examples.
Self-pity when it goes on too long may be a sign that the person wants to
torment themselves.
People may withdraw from social contact as a means of hurting themselves. This
leads to a vicious circle that is hard to escape from.
If people feel desperate and helpless, hurting themselves helps them feel that
they are in control. You are trying to transcend the pain and feel in control of
it. You are using pain to do this as if it is the servant and you are the
master.
There is some relief in pain you cause to yourself for you can stop it. It does
not feel as bad when you control it.
You may put yourself in pain to distract yourself from the pain you cannot take
charge of. Here you actually believe that you are bigger than the pain as long
as you don't think about it. This is faith. It is implied faith in the
supernatural. Only one who thinks magic keeps her safe would act that way. Not
all faith in the supernatural needs to be explicit and clear. It can be a vague
hunch that you don't even recognise as faith in magic.
Self-harm can relieve or reduce anger, rage and tension. It is a way of getting
out the forces that have been bottled up.
Self-harm may be about punishing yourself because you feel guilt and shame or
either of them. Religious faith will worsen this for if you feel that way when
you only believe in people you will feel worse if you believe that you offend a
God in addition to offending people when you do wrong. Also, religion
exaggerates how wrong some things are (eg sex outside marriage will drag you to
Hell forever unless you repent) and invents sins such as refusing to believe the
required teachings of the pope. Religion worries about things nobody sane
worries about!
Another problem is morality. Morality is a law in the sense that it looks for
rules and applies them to work out who deserves blessings and who does not. It
is looking for judging whether that judging be positive for the target or
negative or neutral . It is not about communicating with the person and trying
to understand them and saving or weaning them away from the choices they make
that draw unhappiness upon them. If it does show concern for the wellbeing that
is a side-effect. It is still not what morality is about. The concern then comes
with a sting.
If you feel numb and that you are like a fish out of water, if you feel a huge
sense of separateness between you and other people and even your own body, you
may hurt yourself in order to feel real and to feel part of it all. Religious
faith certainly contributes to this. Religion tends to make people feel that
they and their bodies are two separate things. In religion your body dies but
you live on. This can lead to you feeling dead and needing to hurt yourself to
feel alive and that you are actually really in the world.
The concept of God facilitates and amplifies the sense of detachment. Detachment
is about numbing yourself so that you protect yourself from suffering. The
notion that other people's suffering happens for a worthwhile divine purpose
involves denial that suffering is life telling you life is worthless. Suffering
is the experience of a useless existence. Suffering is a lie in that sense. But
it does not help to tell people that their suffering has value. In fact telling
them and recognising that it is useless is helping them feel supported. They
want others to have a glimmer of understanding. They need others to see that the
suffering is futile and totally unjustifiable. You cannot really comfort a
person if you have the wrong idea of what their suffering is like. Your attempts
to comfort them do further harm for they are shallow and patronising and nobody
can feel comforted by anybody who has no idea of what they are going through.
You make them feel more isolated.
The "infallible" Bible says, "Nobody ever hated their own body." To believe the
Bible demands that you have no empathy with anorexics and people who do hate
their own bodies. You are not allowed to believe them when they say they hate
their bodies. You are to be one cause of their suicide for they cannot bear to
be among people who do not understand.
People may not want to talk about what they are doing to themselves for they
feel stupid and ashamed. Religious doctrine that sees suffering as a means of
good because God lets it happen and God is all-good encourages that fear.
Religious doctrine that denies you can hate your body is as bad.
The self-harmer can develop a victim mentality which entails:
-Making excuses for the grave evils done to you by others.
-Getting yourself to believe they never happened.
-Depriving yourself of support by convincing others that the evils were trivial
or didn't happen.
They may feel better in doing this but it is dangerous. It is a bad example for
other vulnerable people. And it is a lie so the feeling better is part of the
problem.
And some people look on suffering people through the lens of a victim mentality.
They have no mentality like that for themselves but for others. Most if not all
believers in God are treating the evil others endure as if it has a divine
purpose. Yet they may try to protect themselves from suffering by eating
frugally and being celibate and prayerful and having no idea of what a normal
life is like. It does not matter to them that the good feelings that may come if
you imagine your suffering is doing you good are not to be celebrated and are
part of the problem and indeed the worst part. It is better to suffer
horrendously and experience that something is wrong and terrible and needs to be
rooted out than to soften that suffering with platitudes and religious faith.
Self-harm is dangerous. Yet holy people accept suffering in such a way that it
is like they would do it to themselves. Their accepting is like trying to
suffer. It may have some rewards but is a terrible thing to do. They share their
faith in
You don't want to be part of a sub-culture of self-harming to get validation. So
even if it means breaking a confidence or offending somebody, you have to
identify when self-harming is taking place and say that there is a better way.
It might be a long way and far from easy but it is still the right way.
If you make yourself a slave to a God you are not sure enough of that is
self-harm.