Me too! How saying that can ruin your listening skills

A person tells you about some awful experience they had or are having. You may say, "That happened to me too! Here is my story." That is as bad as telling them you know how they feel for you do not. We have the feelings we have for ultimately very complex and different reasons.

No two traumas are ever the same. They may only seem the same. People react differently to the same things.

If you start going on about your story you miss the point. You risk making putting the other person off. You risk forcing them not to share with you for you have jumped in with your story. Telling your story will not necessarily help them. They will feel dismissed. They may feel preached at. Help them learn through their story not yours.

You are telling the story in order to create rapport. But it is the wrong way to go about it.

Emotional mirroring is a marvellous technique for probing a person to see if what they say comes from the heart or from some kind of pain they have endured. Become a mirror in which the person can look to see their pain. Try to show the person talking to you that you have listened and tried to feel like they feel. Answer feelings with feelings and facts with facts.

If a person shows anger you may say, "You are angry aren't you? Do you want to tell me anything about it?"